Guitar Hero Makes Kids Smrt!

So here I am in Bahtamore. I’d rather not speak of the twenty-four hour train trip that carried me here; I’m sure I’ll re-visit its relaxing atmosphere often enough when I die and wind up in hell for my sins.

Today’s society adores a quick fix above wholesome foods or a dog’s unconditional kiss on the back of a hand. It won’t be surprising when parents to pair their kids off with more games in light of a Tucson’s News-4 report that’s decided video games help build kids’ literacy.

Hot dog! No more wasting away with the classics! Eat Rock n Roll, John Steinbeck.

From The News 4 Website:

Librarian Jennifer Nichols believes video games [improve literacy]. She says, “It’s been a really effective way to get them here in the library and engaged.”

Austin Alibi-Isama, 11, says, “Usually I don’t really like to come to the library because it’s kind of boring. But since they have video games and stuff, I like coming to the library a lot.”

This just in: standing in a restaurant teaches you how to cook. We’ll also have Morrie at 11 with his report Epic Failure: How You Missed the Goddamn Point And Why You Should Double Back.

I am of the belief that games can help literacy and teach problem solving. Games landed me this job, after all, and I write real plus good. But the games that inspired me did so because of my initial love for reading; none of my brothers had the patience for the chatty bitches lining the streets of Anytown in Generic RPG IV. Reading the Loading tips sprinkled throughout Guitar Hero maaaaay not have the intellectual nourishment quota parents are so desperate for.

However, Guitar Hero does contain 100% of your daily recommended intake of ROCKING OUT, which is a vital but sadly overlooked vitamin.