Hank Steinbrenner: Award Winner?
March 3, 2008 by Jodie Lynn Boduch
Filed under Baseball, Sports Rumors
The last few days have been quite a windfall for New York Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner.
The other day he yapped about the concept of Red Sox Nation being “a bunch of [waste product originating from a bull].” Following that, Boston Red Sox principal owner John Henry granted him membership into said concept identified as a bunch of waste product originating from a bull (i.e., Red Sox Nation).
And now, our pal Hank’s lucky streak continues. Check out the story below, undercovered by Frank Coffey and his coterie of top-notch investigative satirists journalists at eTrueSports.com.
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Steinbrenner Will Receive “Idiot Son of the Year” Award
“If You Just Keep Opening Your Mouth Good Things Will Happen”
Crawford, TX – The New York Yankees’ Hank Steinbrenner will receive The American Sterilization Society’s “Idiot Son of the Year Award” at the group’s annual gala to be held this year in Crawford, TX. “I dreamed this day would come,” said Steinbrenner, “but, to be honest, I never imagined it would happen so quickly. I guess this proves that if you just keep opening your mouth, good things will happen. I’m thrilled.”
“Hank Steinbrenner is the embodiment of what we are all about,” said an American Sterilization Society (A.S.S.) spokesman.
The prestigious ISY (“eye-see”) award will be presented by James Dolan, major domo of the NBA’s New York Knickerbockers, and himself the son of a successful (and proud) father, mega-mogul Charles Dolan, owner of Cablevision.
“Hank and I are kindred spirits,” said Dolan, Jr. in a written statement, “this is extremely cool.”
Steinbrenner’s father, George Steinbrenner, known as “The Boss” was well known for his headline-grabbing quotes, including this now iconic pearl: “Some guys can lead through genuine respect, I’m not that kind of leader.”
This week, The Boss’s son did his father proud when he told The New York Times Play magazine: “(America) is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”
“I’m a big Hank fan,” said Red Sox owner John Henry in a telephone interview with eTrueSports, “he’s truly deserving of the ISY Award.”
Well the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree regarding the Steinbrenners. And a fairly bad apple at that.
Jodie, our “reporters” are ecstatic that Gossip has labeled them journalists. Unfortunately, they are a high strung and basically unstable group; praise is like ritalin for them. You are not making my job any easier.
The Bee–Right. Who knew jerkism was genetic?
Frank–Sorry, didn’t mean to ’cause upheaval in the office. I’ll choose my words more carefully next time so the hyperactivity at eTrueSports is kept to a minimum (isn’t that an oxymoron?)