Hard Times

Porn Industry Seeks Money Shot From Federal Government

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis are asking for a hand job hand-out as part of the massive Federal bailout being put together by the Obama Administration.

Finally. A bailout we can all get behind.

The two porn moguls are asking for a total of $5 billion to help the struggling adult entertainment industry. Four billion of that would go to coming up with better plots for porn films.

“Let’s face it,” said Flynt, “The whole ‘pizza delivery guy gets laid by horny housewife’ is a pretty tired premise. We need new ideas, new talent and a potful of money to defend against lawsuits from angry parents who never thought their little Madison would be naked all over the Internet.”

“We also need to invest some money in updating the infrastructure of the porn industry as many of the poles now being used in strip clubs are woefully out of date and could collapse or, at the very least, cause some serious chafing,” noted Flynt.

“The Federal government should be willing to subsidize a couple thousand cartons of Clorox disinfectant wipes considering how much time Congressmen spend in these joints.”

In a reach-around across the aisle, the Obama camp is expected to name Elliot Spitzer to the newly created post of Federal Porn Czar. The new position (well, maybe not for Spitzer) has its own Federal seal emblazoned with the Latin logo “Quisnam est vestri pater?” or, more colloquially, “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Critics of the porn bailout argue that the money could be better spent elsewhere and would be a blow (zing!) to an economy already suffering from a lack of consumer confidence.

“Seeing a middle-aged guy with a huge johnson getting it on with two gorgeous 22-year-old chicks with great racks will do nothing to make the average consumer feel better about him or herself,” said Treasury Secretary Paulson who also called for more regulation of X-rated movies and insisted he be put in charge of auditioning all new actresses.

In a related story, Newsweek magazine featured a story about President Bush’s expected veto of the porn bailout asking “Is This The End of Trickle-Down Economics?”

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Democrats insist a portion of bailout money must go to hot babysitters…

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Photo credit: Everystockphoto.com

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A strictly platonic high-five to fellow Bizzia blogger Miki Saxon for sending us just the tip on this story.
Miki writes for Leadership Turn which is an excellent blog about issues surrounding motivating, learning and leading in the workplace.

People, there are forces at work in the universe we can’t even begin to comprehend. On a day when I’m writing about porn bailouts, I get to link to Miki’s lead article on Entitlement and Instant Gratification. Even though I’m pretty sure we’re talking about different things….

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More on this story over at Shannon Cherry’s Common Sense PR site. And that’s “PR” as in public relations, people — not “PR***” as in the beginning of some other word your dirty mind was thinking of. Jeez.

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