Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness is Making Me Unhappy

I always feel bad when a Harvest Moon game lets me down, because I feel like a bitter old bitch. I can feel Natsume frowning at me and saying, “It’s called Island of Happiness. How can you possibly dislike it, you ice-hearted witch? Do you hate happiness?”

And then I have to steel myself and say, “No! They’re wrong, too!” See, I do hate happiness and the laughter of children, but when I put down a game because the graphics are giving me a pounding headache, I think both Natsume and myself are in the wrong.

I own a DS Phat. It’s red. I like it, and I don’t have any special reason to part with it yet. But I’m beginning to wonder if DS games today are developed with the DS Lite in mind. Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness isn’t the first run-in I’ve had with dull colours that blend into a dark grey slurry when the character moves on the screen. This isn’t the first time I’ve stepped away from a DS game with a pounding headache…but it seems to be a more recent occurrence.

I used to play the original Game Boy with no problem. I never owned the original Game Boy Advance, which is my good fortune; I skipped straight to the SP. I wonder if the difference between the DS Phat and the DS Lite is as dramatic as the difference between the original Game Boy Advance and Game Boy Advance SP.

Unfortunately, playing Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness in direct light seems to make things worse. There’s no point in playing a game that makes you headachey, nauseous and cranky. I just can’t do it.

I’VE LOST THE FARM, GRANDPA.

RIP, my chickens: Flagg, Chozo, BigBrd, Keehar.

RIP, my cows: Minos and Zero.

RIP, Efrafa Ranch.

Screw you for rejecting my advances, Cowboy Man. Whatever your name was.