Hockey’s Desperate Plea For Attention

Excuse me, American sports fan. How are you? Do you remember me? I’m hockey. Yes, the one on the ice. We had some great times in the 90s, didn’t we? The Rangers won the Stanley Cup, remember how excited Messier was? Those were really awesome times. And the Red Wings – Avalanche rivalry was pretty awesome, wasn’t it? You rarely get rivalries like that in pro sports. I even named that team after that movie your kids like, the one with the coach from the Breakfast Club. I know it was a mistake, but at least it was a nice thought.

But now you don’t even care. All you care about is gambling refs, dog-fighting “quarterbacks,” and juicing sluggers. In case you don’t remember, I have an assistant coach who not only has a gambling problem, but has a gambling ring. Wayne Gretzky’s wife is involved. She’s pretty, and married to Wayne Gretzky! Why don’t you care?! You don’t even have to tip-toe around that innocent-until-guilty thing. He’s already pleaded guilty. Judge him! Judge him all you want! Please, judge him.

What do I have to do to get you to pay attention to me. They club baby seals in Canada, I bet if you look hard enough you can find a connection to a hockey player. I mean, there’s not that many Canadians, some NHLer must know some seal-clubber.

I don’t care if you hate me, I just want you to feel something for me. Hate me, love me, the indifference is unbearable.

Oh, and remember NHL ‘94. You and I, we should totally get together and play NHL ‘94 again.