I Have No Idea What a Bonus Is Anymore

See, Michael Vick signed his contract. Then he got a bonus for signing his contract. They called this a “signing bonus.” Recently, Michael Vick was convicted on dog-fighting charges. This is all pretty despicable. To my knowledge, he hasn’t gone back in time and not signed his contract. So, because I’m not a lawyer, it makes little sense to me that Vick now has to return substantial amounts of his signing bonus, along with other bonuses. (Boni?)

The arbitrator says that this is because Vick was in violation of his contract — and knew of the violations — when he signed it. See, this is a load of baloney. The Falcons were signing him to be a quarterback, knowing full well that he really was a wide receiver playing quarterback. Everyone knew that contract was a sham, but the Falcons wanted to sell some jerseys. Everybody wins. Except the dogs, the dogs still lose.