If You Hate Networking, You’re Not Doing it Right — 5 Tips for Getting Comfortable With Networking
May 7, 2008 by Kristen King
Filed under Business
For some reason, networking has this really bad reputation as being something only used car salesmen or cutthroat politicians do to get what they want. But people, there is nothing nefarious about networking. It’s all about getting to know people with whom you have a common interest, and that, my friends, is a heck of a lot of fun.
Unless you literally never leave your house, you already have all of the skills you need to be a successful networker because you use them every day when you interact with coworkers, service providers, people standing in like at the dry cleaners — every social situation you encounter on a daily basis.
Here’s are some tips to help you get past the "I hate networking" roadblock:
- Stop telling yourself you’re bad at networking. It’s like walking down a long staircase and telling yourself you’re about to fall — just NOT a good idea. Instead, think about what you might learn by attending an event, or how interesting it might be to meet someone new. You don’t have to be all, "I’m SMART enough, I’m GOOD enough, and gosh darn it, people LIKE me," though you certainly can if you want to. Just don’t shoot yourself in the foot before you start running the race. Or something.
- Make a point to recognize those professional networking opportunities that happen in day-to-day life. I ended up exchanging business cards with a guy on my plane back from Chicago this weekend after we started chit-chatting about something in SkyMall and the conversation turned to our jobs. Turns out we’re both interested in what the other does for a living. That was networking!
- Put yourself out there. I guarantee that no matter where you live, there is SOME happening SOMEwhere nearby where you can practice your networking skills. Check with your local Chamber of Commerce. Visit the website of an organization that interests you to see what events they have coming up. Maybe the local university has a speaker you like followed by a cocktail reception. Create opportunities to meet strangers and learn about them.
- Practice your pickup line. I have three that work really well for me, and which I choose depends on the situation: "Hi, what brings you here?" (variation, depending on your perception of the other person’s sense of humor: "What’re you in for?"); "Hey there, mind if I join you? I’m Kristen, what’s your name? What do you do, NAME?"; and "Hi, I’m Kristen. I don’t think I’ve met you yet. How’s your evening/morning/day going so far?" If you noticed that they’re basically all the same, pat yourself on the back. People are so happy that someone is talking to them at these things, they don’t care what you say as long as you say something and make an effort to start the conversation.
- Set small goals. If you go into a crowded room with the idea in your head that you have to meet everyone there and speak to tons of strangers, no wonder you’re stressed out! Try breaking it down to something small: Talk to one stranger. Ask for one person’s business card. Raise your hand and ask a question if there’s a presenter. Give yourself a goal to reach, and then give yourself a reward when you get there.
I know these sound basic, but trust me, they work if you really apply these ideas. All of them.
If you stop telling yourself you’re bad at networking but then you never make any attempt to do it, it’s hard to have faith in your skills. If you attend events but refuse to talk to anyone there, it’s hard to get more comfortable with the idea.
Today, pick a FIRST STEP toward more confident networking. What do you want to do? It can be something small, even silly.
For me, I had to break a bad habit. Every time I go to an event, I always gravitate toward people I know. In when I went to SOBCon in Chicago last weekend, I didn’t know anyone there, so it wasn’t possible to fall in with my group — but I had to keep myself from clinging to the people I met the first afternoon. This was my goal going into it:
This weekend, I am going to make a point of sitting with people I don’t know every chance I get. Every meal, every presentation, every drink, every sight-seeing event. I will tell those people, "I’m trying to make a point of sitting with people I haven’t met yet so I can get to know more folks here. May I join you?" I will invite strangers to join me, especially people who look even more uncomfortable than I feel.
I’ll be honest: It was torture for the first couple of encounters, but then it got really fun. Best. Conference. Ever. And I’m so proud of myself for dong it!
What’s your step? What do you want to work on or try for the first time, or maybe for the second time and really stick with it?
Contents © Copyright 2008 Kristen King
Tags: women and business, women in business, business advice for women, learning how to network, professional networking, networking events, i hate networking, im scared of networking, networking is hard, tips for networking, how to network, networking, anxiety, meeting new people, how to network at conferences, SOBCon, biz chicks rule, kristen king
Great tips, Kristen — perfect for us introverts! I know I surely appreciated your introduction at SOBCon08. :) I’m going to put some of these ideas to work in my next roomful of strangers….
Loved the article. So true. That is why I work with women on their “pick up” lines.
“Give a woman a fish and she will eat for a day; teach a woman to PITCH her services & products and she will eat for a lifetime…and expand her client base!” That is my speech. Gets people interested every time. So the answer to their question “What do you do?” is: I coach female entrepreneurs in creating the elevator speech that will take their business to the top floor!” The response is always, “I could use your help.”
Those are great tips, Kristen. I go to a LOT of networking events. I’m a confessed junkie! But, that means I end up knowing several people and I have to remind myself to walk up to the group of strangers. On the flip side, knowing so many people also engenders a lot of introductions – both ones where I’m being introduced and those where I’m connecting other people.
Great pick-up lines, Kristen. Could lead to something heavier than networking.
My problem is the dead silence that comes after the entree. I always end up making up an excuse for a graceful exit.
Great list.. but I’d add my first rule of networking…
It’s not about you…
Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Ask questions, find a way to help others and crowds will be drawn to you. Be the kind of person you’d like to meet.
Kristen, thank you. I’ve tried telling people that marketing is like meeting new friends. Apparently, some people just don’t have many friends. ;))
Your tips are great. I’m sending you some link love. :)
Kristen,
I wanted to go to that conference, but the timing just wasn’t right for me. Glad to hear it was so helpful! I have that same bad habit of gravitating to people I already know – it just feels so natural! Thanks for the tips, though.
Susan
@Sarah Filipiak – You have a great, welcoming smile and a very approachable air about you — two outstanding qualities of good networkers. Thanks for making it easy to meet you!
@Laurelle – What a great elevator speech, super fun. Thanks for sharing. :)
@Theresa Carter – It gets addictive after a while, doesn’t it? You make a great point — use the people you know as a source for introductions. “Hey, good to see you! Who should I meet while I’m here?” Great idea.
@Ren Garcia – Yes, I think delivery is key to whether your networking “pick-up line” yields a business card or a hotel room key. I shoot for the former, personally, but to each his own. :) I’m going to do a whole post about how to handle that dead silence — thanks for the idea.
@Lori – That is exactly it! Thanks for the link love, baby.
@Susan Johnston – I wish you had made it out there! Would have loved to meet you finally. Are you doing to BlogHer or Blog World Expo? I’m trying to finagle both, but not sure yet. LMK.
Thanks, all! Keep those comments coming.
Also, how about a post on “exit lines” that don’t make you sound abrupt or rude or impolite? This is a problem too when you want to circulate.
Great idea, Ren. I’ll add it to the list. Thanks!
kk
Kristen,
thank you the information about netwoorking. Next time I meet with my networking group I will go meet someone I have not met that I have not had a chance to have a conversation with. your ideas helped me. thanks again
Great basic, down-to-earth tips Kristen. And what’s the next step? I’m OK (not great) at meeting new people, and exchanging cards, but it never goes anywhere, because I’m awful at follow-up. It seems everyone I meet is awful too because no matter how many cards I exchange I never hear from anyone, nor contact anyone.
Would love to hear post-networking-event advice!
Laurelle, I could use your help!