It’s Valentine’s Day. Woo hoo.

Do We Really Need a Holiday For People In Love?

Is it Valentine’s Day already?

Whoop-de-damn-do. Here we are, again, making a big deal about an annual day that celebrates people in love.

Man, those are exactly the kind of people who need a holiday, aren’t they?

Why don’t we just have a holiday for people who inherited money or struck oil in their back yard?

Or how about a day where supermodels exchange presents, cards and jewelry? Wouldn’t that be fantastic? Every newspaper in the country could run pithy little articles about what really good-looking people could do to make the day special for other people who are amazingly attractive.

Or, better yet, let’s set aside some time for Great Sex Day. You could sit in your cubicle and watch as the handsome guy in your office (you know, the dude who runs triathlons in between getting promoted) gets a naked postcard from a professional cheerleader asking if he would consider having a threesome with her and her friend who’s a Playmate.

That would definitely be worth celebrating … right before you stuck your head in the oven for the evening.

Don’t get me wrong. Being in love is wonderful. It’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Every day I thank my lucky stars that I can wake up, look in the mirror above my bed and see myself staring back at me. But to have a holiday to celebrate that? That just kind of seems like rubbing it in the face of the rest of the world.

Seriously, if it wasn’t for Hallmark making such a big deal out the day, I would never even think to send myself three dozen roses at work or buy myself that racy little low-rise leather bikini brief.

But, you may ask, what about all the other people who celebrate Valentine’s Day? What about all the people for whom Valentine’s Day represents the one day of the year where they can express their true feelings and let a loved one know they care?

You know, the stalkers.

While it’s great to get a cutesy little card or a box of chocolates from your boyfriend or husband, which one of you ladies hasn’t been secretly thrilled to receive a totally inappropriately intimate gift from the creepy dude who cuts your lawn or works in the mail room?

Nothing quite says, “Thinking of you — in a special way” like a single red rose in a box with edible panties and a black-and-white photo of you getting ready for bed taken with a telephoto lens.

About the only thing creepier is getting that annual Valentine’s Day card from your mom.

So, if you’re in love, that’s awesome. You should celebrate Valentine’s Day every day.

But, in honor of the holiday, would you mind toning it down for the rest of us and at least wait until we’ve finished dessert before having sex in the restaurant?

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Wait, …what?! You get a card, too?!

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Check out more great Valentine’s Day posts over at the super-cool Pointless Banter. Not only is Pointless Banter one of the funniest sites on the interwebs, but it also features relationship advice for the other 364 days of the year.

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Photo credit: Everystockphoto.com

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