Jockey Announces 3D Underwear For Valentine’s Day

Unveils New Ad Slogan: ‘You’re Lying About How Much You Love Her, You Might As Well Lie About the Size of Your Package’

Underwear maker Jockey is looking to reach for, er … tap into … er … target the market for men’s boxer briefs by coming out with a new 3D line of underwear.

According to the company, “Jockey analyzed thousands of body scans to develop the technologically-advanced 3D-Innovations collection, which features a unique eight-way stretch construction for maximum mobility and comfort. Jockey’s 3D-Innovations Boxer Brief provides a gentle hold and form-flattering fit that is stylish and practical.”

Jockey was also kind enough to provide the following translation of the press release for the euphemism-impaired: “We had to figure out a way that looking at underwear bulges wouldn’t seem quite as creepy as it sounded, so we threw in a little scientific jargon. And, as far as that whole ‘form-flattering’ fit, you know as well as we do that we’re trying to convince guys this will make it look like they’ve got a flashlight stuffed down the front of their jeans.”

In a recent survey, 99 out of 100 women said they would prefer chocolate and flowers rather than have their boyfriends or husbands buy themselves bulge-inducing boxer briefs.

The one woman who did prefer the underwear added, “There goddamn well better be some jewelry hidden in there.”

In other Valentine’s Day news, Kay Jewelers announced their new “I-Promise-I’m-Leaving-My-Wife” cubic zirconium collection.

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Experience the thrill of 3D…

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Photo credit: Everystockphoto.com

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A snap of the elastic waistband to Phil Gerbyshak over at Slacker Manager for um..drawing our attention to this story.

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