John Edwards To Admit Paternity
– In A Surprise Move, Politician Will Claim to be Father of One Of Michael Jackson’s Kids –
As a grand jury in North Carolina meets to determine if there is enough evidence to bring charges against former presidential candidate John Edwards for using campaign funds to illegally buy silence about his affair, sources in North Carolina today said John Edwards is finally prepared to admit to being the father of a child out of wedlock.
Contrary to rumors, Edwards will not be admitting to fathering the child of Rielle Hunter, the woman he had an affair with in 2008, but rather will claim to be the father of Blanket Jackson.
“It’s pretty simple really,” explained Edwards, “This way I can get the National Enquirer off my back and, at the same time, stand to get a piece of the Jackson estate.”
“Hey, it isn’t any creepier than anything else I’ve done,” added Edwards.
In a related story, Edwards announced he will be joining Eliot Spitzer on Spitzer’s 2009 “We’re Only Human” Tour. The two politicians will be appearing in 35 cities across the country in an attempt to explain why we should believe anything they say.
Oh, and to score some serious political groupie tail, too.
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“There is this one minor little detail I left out, but this time I’m going to be honest with you….”
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Image: Zuma Press
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