Judge Rules That Wal-Mart Overworked Employees

Workers’ Right to Sit Around On Their Asses All Day Upheld By Guy Who Sits Around On His Ass All Day

A Minnesota judge today ruled that Wal-Mart took unfair advantage of employees by actually asking them to do some work. The judge said the company violated Minnesota work laws by failing to give employees their full rest breaks.

“Rearranging toothpaste and taking 45 minutes to ring up three items at a register is hard work,” the judge wrote in his supporting opinion. “Plus, I really like the idea that I can tell the world’s most successful retail company how they should run their business. It’s why I went to law school in the first place.”

A spokesman for Wal-Mart said the company is expected to appeal the ruling and will also jack up prices in every store in Minnesota.

In addition, the spokesman sought to clarify that the company’s slogan, “Save money. Live better.” was meant to apply specifically to Wal-Mart upper management, not hourly employees.

With the Wal-Mart ruling behind him, Judge King’s is expected to issue a ruling later this week on the best way to perform brain surgery.

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Judges need shelf stackers, too

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