Many Thanks for the Fans Who Surrounded Me at Last Night’s Tigers Game

Firstly, thank you to the fan who brought the “Big Papi? More like Big Poopie!” sign. You, sir, are a hero. While I am immensely disappointed in myself for not coming up with that scatological nickname — indeed, I’m disappointed that I haven’t even heard it before — I am pleased that you, fan with Big Poopie sign, brought it to my attention. It is so delightfully immature that no one could take legitimate offense to it. Even though Ortiz hit a towering home-run, I could still chuckle at the Big Poopie sign, and it made another ugly Tigers loss a bit more tolerable.

Speaking of that Ortiz home-run, I also have to thank the stereotype fulfilling Massholes in our section. Thank you for turning around and drawing attention to yourself after every Red Sox run. Thank you for standing and trying to get the attention of the Tiger dugout girls who were throwing out free t-shirts, even though we were a full section away and those girls couldn’t throw farther than 20 feet. Thanks for making it that much easier to keep up my irrational hatred for you and your brethren.

On that note, thank you fan who threw peanuts at the aforementioned Red Sox fans, which, in a convoluted turn of events, led to their eventual dismissal from their seats. And thanks to you, overzealous seating attendant. You may have prevented my group from upgrading to the Tiger Den, but you taking your job so seriously was the catalyst in expelling the Sox fans. Great work.

Big Poopie, ha ha, great stuff.