Mars Announces New Candy For Men
– Candy Conglomerate’s New Confection ‘Cheap Affair’ Is Meant To Be Licked Off of Strippers –
Fresh off the buzz over their new women-only candy, Fling, which suggests women are cheating on their boyfriends whenever they “permissively indulge” in an 85-calorie chocolate bar, the Mars Company plans to announce a new men-only candy called Cheap Affair.
“We figured if we could associate chocolate with infidelity with women, we could do the same thing for men,” said company vice-president Dov Skittles who appeared with product pitchman Eliot Spitzer.
“Granted, it might be a tougher sell to get men to feel guilty about having an affair but our marketing department was up to the challenge.”
The company’s new confection,Cheap Affair, is actually a cup of liquid chocolate meant to be “licked off your favorite stripper.”
Commercials for Mars’ new product aim to be even edgier than the Fling spots.
“Go ahead … you know you want to,” intones a sultry voice-over in one commercial which shows a businessman paying $200 to a thick-necked dude in a strip club who hands the man a Cheap Affair before ushering him and a large-chested girl named Bambi into the back room at the club.
Despite being priced in line with other vending machine candy, Mars is attempting to market Cheap Affair as a premium product.
“After all,” said a company spokesman, “even though the candy’s only 75 cents, it could end up costing you your house and half your 401-K plan.”
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Attendance at this year’s candy convention expected to skyrocket…
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Image: Zuma Press
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