Memorial Day Monday Night Raw: Still No Announcement

Live Blogging Memorial Day Monday Night Raw

Image details: 2007 American Music Awards – Show served by picapp.com

Match Three Prelims
Before we get to Match Three we get a repulsively bad Jimmy Kimmel – Cousin Sal – Roddy Piper skit. One wrestling site (I’m forgetting which one) called this Cousin Sal – Santino Marella bout the worst D-Level celebrity attraction in wrestling since Herb from Burger King appeared at Wrestlemania 2. We couldn’t agree more.

Segment Grade: F

Match Three
Umaga and JBL def. John Cena and Jeff Hardy vs.

Here’s the match we’ve been excited about since, well, forever. John Cena and Jeff Hardy are our favorite two good guy wrestlers currently in the WWE. Mrs. Jabandgrapple has an admitted crush on Mr. Cena and Mr. Jabandgrapple thinks Jeff Hardy is too exciting for words and is so happy he’s doing well after his suspension and house fire. We also really hate JBL. Umaga never really crosses our mind.

Cena goes for an early STFU on Umaga. Bad decision. Hasn’t he ever played Pro Wrestling on Nintendo? You can’t do the Brain Buster on the Giant Panther until he’s ready. Of course Cena’s played the game; it’s on his You Can’t See Me T-Shirt. He and Umaga trade some punsihment while we’re at commercial. When we return Cena tags Hardy.

Hardy proceeds to get pummeled by JBL and placed in an unorthodox abdonin-stretching submission hold. JBL does a whole lot more unimaginative vicious stuff (punch, kick, stomp) to Hardy. Jeff counters with an impressive Whisper in the Wind off the top rope but doesn’t have the energy to pin the Fox News commentator. Instead he pins Cena who hits a clothesline and a super duper Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Before Cena can pin JBL Umaga rushes in and knocks John into Hardy. Hardy is excited and goes for a Swanton Bomb. He misses and JBL promptly lariats him into submission. One-Two-Three pin because of the clothesline from hell. This isn’t the ending we wanted to see. Why can’t the Ultimate Risk Taker be rewarded? What does he need to do?

After the match we cut to Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. He tells the HBK that by the end of the night even he will be surprised at McMahon magnanimity. Tell us now! We need instant gratification! What good could Vince possibly do?

Segment Grade: B