Michael Vick Released To Home Confinement
– Even Pit Bulls Enjoy Moment of Irony As Former Quarterback Is Forced To Wear Monitoring Device, Only Allowed Out Twice a Day for a Walk –
Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was released from Federal prison today to begin the part of his sentence that calls for home confinement. Officers fitted Vick with an electronic monitoring device and a couple of little Invisible Fence signs to stick around his yard.
The only way the scene could have been any more surreal for Vick would have been if he had stepped in some dog’s business as he got out of the van.
The former quarterback will “spend the next two months being monitored at home and working a $10-an-hour job as a laborer for a construction company.”
A spokesman for the construction company said he expected comments like “Hey, I’m open! Pass me that hammer” and “Hey, Vick. Quit dogging it” would subside after about a month and a half.
Vick hopes to return to professional football and is awaiting word from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell who has stated Vick must show he has “genuine remorse” and also babysit the commissioner’s kids this summer since 19 months in prison wasn’t enough punishment.
As you might expect, the dingbats at PETA weighed in on the case saying Vick doesn’t deserve another chance at playing pro football “until he passes psychological tests proving he is capable of feeling genuine remorse.”
In a telephone interview, a reasonable person suggested PETA doesn’t deserve another chance at speaking to the press until they’re capable of demonstrating the same respect for people as they do for hamsters.
In a related story, the UFC signed off today on a measure to allow mixed-martial arts trainers to use tasers to help prepare their fighters to beat each other into submission in a steel cage match to be televised later this month.
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Former quarterback is truly sorry … that anyone has to listen to PETA’s nonsense.
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Image: Zuma Press
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