Microsoft Bid for Yahoo Only the Beginning

According to insiders, Microsoft Corp’s (MSFT.O) unsolicited $42 billion bid for Yahoo Inc (YHOO.O) is just the first in a planned series of acquisitions.

Sources say that Microsoft Chief Executive Steve Ballmer intends to broaden the scope of the software behemoth’s businesses. In a strategic planning session, Ballmer is quoted as saying, “Sure, we make software, but why can’t we also have an internet presence? I mean, just because we don’t know what we’re doing and MSN.com is basically a bust, let’s get in deeper.”

Despite criticism from many in the investment community, Microsoft is considering upping its bid for Yahoo or even launching a hostile takeover. “We’re Microsoft. We were born hostile.”

After the Yahoo purchase, Ballmer plans to make a play for Arkansas-based Tyson Foods, “I like chicken. Everybody likes chicken. We can run a chicken business. What’s there to know? Plus they sell beef and pork. It’s perfect. We’re already in your computer, now we’ll be in your colon.”

Ballmer believes diversity is the key to surviving in the new economy and intends to take over either 1-800-Flowers or FTD. “People think of Microsoft as a tough customer. Well, flowers will show our softer side. And the genius of it? The genius is that even if our stock goes into the toilet and we give our shareholders heart attacks, we can supply the flowers at the funerals. What a market!”