MLB Umpires in an Uproar
January 31, 2008 by Jodie Lynn Boduch
Filed under Baseball, Sports Rumors
We, along with every other baseball fan, have often accused umpires of (variously) being blind, not seeing the ball clearly, and needing glasses. But never did we think such apparent vision impairment was the result of a white hood courtesy of the Ku Klux Klan.
The MLB, however, must suspect there’s some cross burnin’ in them there backgrounds . . . or else they wouldn’t be asking such oddball questions in the course of umpire background checks.
Nah. The KKK queries were part and parcel of the “routine” investigation, in which league officials also asked the men’s neighbors whether or not the umps grow weed, live beyond their financial means, are spouse abusers, or throw wild parties (no word on how “wild” is defined by the MLB, but we’re guessing “shooting up HGH” would qualify).
According to the umpires’ union, the MLB’s muckrakers are like the “secret police.” (Would that make them the MLB-KGB?)
We’re still trying to envision the strike-callers smoking pot, partying like—or with—Paris Hilton, and throwing so much money around that Donald Trump himself would say, “Fellas, you’re too rich for my blood. I can’t keep up with the likes of you.”
Moral of the story: Kiss up to your neighbors.
Is that 3 K’s and your out? Or something like that.
Good one, Bee! Maybe it’s a subliminal message . . .
What an interesting recruiting tactic. Like, how seriously do you want to be an umpire? Weed out anyone who isn’t willing to put up with a little invasion of privacy every now and then. I like it. (Note to any current and future employers: I like it for other people, not for me. Just to be clear.)
That’s right, Geoff. Throw them in the spotlight like professional athletes and celebrities. Have paparazzi follow them around . . . sounds like fun!