Monday Night Raw: The Glorious Return of John Cena

The Setup\\r\\nThere\\\’s some big bad out-of-control bullying going on. For the third(!) week in a row RAW General Manager William Regal is angry about being disrespected. This time, instead of turning out the lights, he\\\’s kicking out a random pair in the audience. Miraculously, he picks out Mickie James\\\’ brother and sister to toss. Evidently they\\\’ve made the trek to Detroit from Richmond, Va. Gas prices be damned.\\r\\n\\r\\nMickie James doth protest the ejection. After she balks at her own Regal-dictated dismissal he angrily tells her \\\”What part of get out of the ring don\\\’t you understand?\\\” (Nominee #1 for best line of the night) Who will help poor Mickie? Will her recently-earned title be stripped?\\r\\n\\r\\nNo sir. John Cena\\\’s unmistakable \\\”The Time is Now\\\” theme music chimes in. Chivalry is not dead. John Cena is back. Thank heavens. He speaks for all WWE fans when he tells Regal he\\\’s gone over the line. Regal reminds us that Vince McMahon supported him last week.\\r\\n\\r\\nCena quickly retorts, \\\”Vince McMahon is insane. He talks to himself. A lot\\\” (Nominee #2) and then proceeds to read some hilarious anti-Regal emails. Our favorite comes from Logan from Portland \\r\\n\\r\\n\\\”(Regal\\\’s light turning off) is bad. WCW Thunder bad.\\\” (Nominee #3)\\\” He wants a mandated arena chant \\\”Fire regal clap clap clapclapclap. Fire Regal clap clap clapclapclap.\\\” Cena\\\’s comedic timing is perfect. We have missed him a great deal. He\\\’ll face Randy Orton tonight in the main event. Regal guarantees no interference. We can\\\’t wait. A+ intro\\r\\n\\r\\nEarly Fireworks\\r\\nBefore we can catch our commercial breath the broadcast jumps straight into a tag team title match between the team of Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes facing Santino Marella and Carlito. Rowdy Roddy Piper is sitting at ringside ready to stir up his growing beef with Marella. Marella mouths off to Piper regularly enough to drop the match for his team. Lose the dead weight Santino and fight the Rodster. Everyone loves personality. Segment Grade: C+\\r\\n\\r\\nMr. Kennedy is grappling next. He repeats his name about thirty times. He\\\’s fighting Snitsky, who is like Kane only without the effusive personality and paler. We wish he were facing the guy in the front row dressed like Hulk Hogan. Kennedy wins proving that brown teeth and lily white skin do not equate to a promising pro wrestling career. Segment Grade: D\\r\\n\\r\\nWe were right. The Santino-Roddy brawl is a-brewing and Santino is ready. \\\”Roddy the piper. this is not the 80\\\’s. Michael J. Fox is not going back in time to become a werewolf. (Nominee #4) Rodney the piper I\\\’m a coming after you.\\\” Also brewing, a Mickie James – John Cena romance. Cena\\\’s going out for drinks with her after the match but as he explains \\\”you go out with me, sometimes it\\\’s a wild night.\\\” We can imagine. Segments Grade: B\\r\\n\\r\\n Part One, The Glorious Return of John Cena\\r\\nPart Two, The Glorious Return of Jeff Hardy\\r\\nPart Three, The Glorious Return of the Steel Cage\\r\\n\\r\\nPhoto Source: Newscom.com\\r\\n\\r\\n