More Free Stuff For Voting (With Linky Goodness)
Be Just Like Your Favorite Politician and Get Free Graft For Being Part of the Political Process
Have you always wondered what it’s like to be a Senator or Congressman?
Have you always wanted to get graft and freebies for doing what you’re supposed to do, just like a real politician?
Have you always wanted to have mind-blowing sex with a $3000-a-night hooker and have it paid for by taxpayers?
Well, two out of three isn’t bad…
As a public service, we’re listing just some of the places you can go to get free stuff for being part of the most important election ever since the last one and until the next one.
After all, getting paid for being part of the political process is as American as multi-billion dollar cost overruns. Really. It’s in the Constitution someplace…
FREE STUFF YOU REALLY DON’T WANT BUT WILL TAKE ‘CAUSE IT’S FREE
— Free scoop of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream from 5PM-8PM at participating stores and as long as you voted for Obama.
– Free Krispy Kreme donuts with your promise to help fight the obesity epidemic…tomorrow.
– Free tall coffee from Starbucks with a proof of voting and if you sign a petition to allow the company to keep barristas as independent contractors.
– Free music download from Rock The Vote. Offer void when downloading Madonna or the Jonas Brothers.
FREE STUFF TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY
– Free sex toy from Babeland. As seen on Bizlevity.
– Free tattoo removal consult at Dallas tattoo parlor. A rare chance to hit on loose girls looking to get their tramp stamps removed or updated.
– Free beer at the Handle Bar in Pensacola, Florida and at Todd Conner’s Pub in Baltimore, Maryland. Nine months from now you can name the baby Barack.
Lots more free stuff can be found at WalletPop.com and SlickDeals.net
As part of our own Fairness Doctrine, if you send a photo to us here at Bizlevity of yourself not voting and getting harassed by all your politically active friends who think you’re one step above a child molester, we’ll send you a free book by one of our favorite authors. You’ll receive your choice of:
– Antisocial Commentary: From The Secret Files of the Mattress Police - by Diesel
– Crummy Church Signs - by Joel Bezaire
– The Trouble With Emily Dickinson - by Lyndsey D’Arcangelo
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Get out and vote. Or just head to the beach…
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Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com
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