Mother Says DS Turned Her Kids Into Monsters

A UK mother who watched her family dissolve over a Nintendo DS might not be much of a disciplinarian, but she can certainly pirate goods like a champion.

The article, which was originally published in The Mail, is worth printing out in case you drink too much one night and need something to vomit into discreetly. Its author talks about the dark day she purchased the Nintendo DS that subsequently flayed her family to pieces. Actually, she continually refers to it as “the Nintendo” in the infuriating clueless dialect of a cookie-cutter suburban mom.

Her four children, blessed with rational names like Honey and Lucien, fought like demons over the one DS and often hit one another. They forgot to do housework. They forgot to perform their daily ten-minute morning music lesson, which I’m sure was not jammed down their throat in a mother’s frantic attempt to make damn sure her kids grew up gifted and special.

They even resorted to going through her purse when she tried to tuck away the bad machine of evil. Did she tan their obnoxious little hides for rummaging in the handbag that every child learns is off-limits even when the tit is open for business? No, everything is Nintendo’s fault. Our kids are being destroyed. Hamburgers are eating people.

The best part is the author’s open admission about buying the DS and 20 games for 120 pounds, from Hong Kong. Over the Internet.

One NeoGAF member from overseas puts things into perspective regarding The Mail:

they only publish the following stories:
- kids are fucked up
- immigrants are fucked up
- the royals are fucked up
- criminals are fucked up (and everywhere, and should be killed or tortured)