MSNBC Headline: ‘Manufacturing Shrinks, Construction Flat’

Sadly, If You Replace The Nouns in That Headline, They Could Have Been Writing About My High School Prom…

MSNBC Reports that “..U.S. manufacturing activity contracted more than expected last month, hitting the lowest level since the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks, as new orders slowed dramatically.”

In a hastily called meeting, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson called on lawmakers to give the Federal government expanded powers to blow up entire towns at will in an effort to spur demand for construction.

“You guessed it. It’s another emergency,” said Paulson to anyone who would listen. “We need to pass a bill immediately to give me unlimited discretion in demolishing whatever I feel like. As long as we’re throwing out crazy ideas, I think this bill should include an 80% equity stake in every construction company in the country for me and my heirs. I won’t lie to you…the future of life in our galaxy depends on this bill being passed.”

Paulson promised that, in the event the Fannie Mae bailout plan and the construction bill both pass, he would be a benevolent dictator “not like that dick, Chavez.”

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Paulson: “If it’s not too late, can we include ius prima noctis for me, too?”

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