My Two Cents
Not Sure I Actually Still Have Two Cents…
The Senate has passed the latest Wall Street bailout costing $700 billion. That’s a lot of money. That’s like what Meg Ryan spends on collagen.
The Securities and Exchange Commission has temporarily banned short-selling, the practice of making TV commercials featuring Gary Coleman.
You can breathe a sigh of relief now because it looks like the crisis gripping our nation is ending. No, the stock and credit markets aren’t settling down. More important: Microsoft is pulling those Bill Gates-Jerry Seinfeld ads.
The U.S. Mint has unveiled new designs for the penny to celebrate the 200th anniversary of Lincoln’s birth and the fact that a penny is what your savings is now worth.
Two-thirds of U.S. corporations and foreign corporations doing business in the U.S. paid no federal income taxes between 1998 and 2005. According to the congressman who ordered the study, “It’s shameful that so many corporations cheat the American people. That’s Congress’ job.”
On her trip to NY, Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin met with Henry Kissinger, Afghan President Hamid Karzai, and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe. Then she shot them, and skinned them.
A new poll shows that 18% of likely voters don’t know what they’re going to do on Election Day. But then, 90% of politicians don’t know what they’re doing every day.
Because of a misprint in a NJ telephone book, callers who wanted to reach a county political committee instead got a phone sex line. Not so far off. Politicians, especially in Jersey, end up screwing you.
German police arrested two terrorist suspects on a plane bound for Amsterdam. Holland is a top target for Islamic terrorists because a Dutch guy made a movie that uses verses from the Koran and implies they promote violence. Apparently, this is considered a major insult. In other words, we’re not terrorists and if you say we are we’re going to blow up your country.
Tokyo is a fashion capital so it’s not surprising that they recently held a fashion show, but this one was for adult diapers. According to one of the organizers, “Diapers are something that people don’t want to look at.” True, but mostly they’re something people don’t want to smell.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill that would have penalized California drivers sharing the driver’s seat with dogs or other animals. So, you can still cruise the freeway with Marilyn Manson in your lap.
Annoying illusionist David Blaine completed a stunt in which he hung upside down in Central Park for 60 hours. Doctors say this could lead to Blaine’s blindness, paralysis, even death. If we’re lucky.
