New E-Cigarette Offers Option For Smokers

— Electronic Cigarettes Decrease Cancer Risk But Still Allow Users To Experience Scornful Looks From Non-Smokers —

The Marlboro Man might still be alive if there were e-cigarettes out on the prairie.

Electronic cigarettes, which offer the look, feel and nicotine intake of regular cigarettes but without the carcinogens and second-hand smoke, are proving to be a popular alternative for people who enjoy the tactile sensation of smoking but are concerned about the scary warnings on regular cigarettes.

The e-cigarette is a stainless steel tube designed to look like a cigarette right down the glowing ember on the tip. The e-cig gets its power from a rechargeable battery and mimics the draw smokers get from inhaling. The amount of nicotine an e-smoker gets can be adjusted, making the e-cigarette a much cooler version of the nicotine patch.

The “smoke” from an e-cigarette is composed primarily of water vapor and means that smokers are no longer restricted from “lighting up” in a public place. Office workers no longer have to risk hypothermia in order to enjoy a cigarette break and Jack Bauer no longer needs to worry about capturing a terrorist in the field and not having a match available for impromptu torturing.

The FDA is investigating the new product and is considering banning the e-cigarette, citing agency regulations against “new drugs.” Apparently, this whole nicotine thing is a recent discovery.

Next up on the FDA agenda of potential banned substances is the new Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks, featuring a revolutionary new drug called “caffeine.”

A spokesman for the company marketing the e-cigarette can’t imagine what all the fuss is about saying, “The mist is mostly water. It has to be better for you than smoking … We’ve been on the Howard Stern Show. Our spokesmen are Jose Canseco and Danny Bonaduce.”

I don’t know about you but that pretty much cinches it for me. If Danny Bonaduce and Jose Canseco are shilling for this product, it’s got to be good and perfectly healthy for you.

Howard Stern recommends the sybian machine as a way to help pornstars orgasm, so his endorsement is kind of like getting a five-star rating from Consumer Reports.

An unlikely coalition of groups is opposing the new e-cigarette. Among them, the American Lung Association which is concerned the new invention will tempt smokers to go back to real smoking and the American Indian Council which fears the only way they will be able to offer discount e-cigarettes is to open up a large number of steel mills where casinos now operate.

The electronic cigarette starter kit is available for just $140, or about the same cost of a carton of real cigarettes these days. Although, at $140 a pop, you’ll want to be a little stingier with your buddy who’s always bumming cigarettes off of you.

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The e-cigarette is recommended by two out of three D-list celebrities…

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Image: PR Photo
Image: PR Photo

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