New Research Shows Consumer Confidence Plunges In March

Like we needed these geniuses to tell us

The Conference Board, a business-backed research group, said Tuesday that consumer confidence sank to a five-year low in March as tight credit markets, rising prices and worsening job prospects made many worry that the economy has fallen into recession.

Lynn Franco, director of the Conference Board’s research center, said, “Consumers’ outlook for business conditions, the job market and their income prospects is quite pessimistic and suggests further weakening may be on the horizon.”

This outlook is shared by Joe Cavicci, an average New Yorker stopped on the street, who echoes Ms. Franco’s words exactly, “It costs a f*&%ing fortune to fill up my car, my house is worth s#@t, and by the time I get that g*&$#@am tax rebate, I’ll be laid off from my f^#!ing job.”