News from the Inevitable Future: 2009 New Year’s Resolutions

2008 has almost started, and I’ve pretty much given up on my resolutions already, so I’m going to get a head start on breaking my resolutions for the year after that. Without further time-altering ado, my 2009 New Year’s resolutions.- Stop kicking to Devin Hester, but stick to it this year.- Trade Kobe back- Finish the Mitchell Report- Rewind, then return those tapes to Bill Belichick- Have an ESPN featured comment- Build more support for my Todd Collins for MVP movement- Gain 20 pounds on Nutrisystem, just to stick it to Golic- Legally keep my appearance on American Gladiators from being shown ever again - Convert 300 people to the sect of Brady- Spend an entire year without stepping foot in Ohio