News From the Inevitable Future: Vinny Testaverde To Be Frozen For Future Emergency Quarterbacking

July, 2010 – At an Applied Cryogenics press conference yesterday, Vinny Testaverde announced his plans to cyrogenically freeze himself so that he will be prepared in the case a quarterback starved NFL team would call upon him. Testaverde, 46, has said his declining health predicated his decision to freeze himself. Testaverde stated,”Although I believe that in my current health I can quarterback well into my fifties, this freezing process should allow me to play into my seventies, and possibly my eighties. While I am frozen, I will not age. Teams in need of my quarterbacking skills may contact Applied Cryogenics, who will then thaw me and negotiate my contract. I have been assured that the thawing process will allow me to play football effectively within a week of being frozen.”

Testaverde has said that after consulting with his family and physicians, he decided that freezing himself for future generations was the best decision. “It was a very difficult decision, and I will miss my family dearly, but with the defenders growing larger and faster, quarterbacks will be getting injured at ever-quickening pace. I will be needed in future, this is what is best for society.”

Testaverde is not the first NFL player to freeze himself. Michael Vick remains frozen while he waits out his NFL suspension.