This Week In Newsweek: Why Higher Gas Prices Are Good

Magazine Hopes to Spur Sales With More Stupid Articles Like ‘Why Paying More for Food Makes You A Better Person’ and ‘What’s So Great About Life-Threatening Illnesses’

Newsweek continued its campaign to become the official magazine of the Special Olympics this week with an article entitled Should You Pay $6 Per Gallon?: Why higher gas prices make economic sense.

While the article barely touches on such mundane economic issues as the law of supply and demand, it does spend most of the time giving twisted rationales for why people other than you know better what kind of car you should drive and what kind of lifestyle you should live.

As usual, author Keith Naughton holds up Europe as the shining beacon of how the U.S. should operate, citing such laudable goals as heavy handed government regulation, an affinity for diesel fuel and gas tax rates in excess of 50 percent.

But is everything European really so great? In many parts of Europe people also boil their meat, observe lax standards of personal hygiene and own multiple David Hasselhoff CDs. Perhaps, all of these could help break our “addiction” to oil and help combat global warming. More likely, the only reason people would drive less was if the government mandated you had to listen to David Hasselhoff while in your car.

Inside sources tell Bizlevity that Newsweek is looking to build on its reputation as a publication you can rely on for vapid, nonsensical articles and will feature upcoming articles such as ‘Swallowing Drain Cleaner May Cleanse Your Colon’ and ‘Why Hillary Would Make a Fantastic President.’

The latter article is expected to be the shortest in Newsweek history.

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“Bill and I both boil meat and love David Hasselhoff..” -Hillary speaking to European audience

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