Note to Memphis: Hide the Gummy Bears Until After the Game

North Carolina, our pick to win the NCAA tournament, didn’t show up to play on Saturday and got a sound thrashing by Kansas. Thus, we’ve deftly switched allegiances. We’re all about Memphis now. (As The Play in CA said, “F*** Kansas.”).

That being said, we sincerely hope Derrick Rose’s teammates did their best to keep him away from the gummy bears today. The chewy gelatinous treats, allegedly integral to the star shooter’s diet, gave him so much tummy trouble yesterday that he missed interviews with the media. (Are the gummy bears rooting for Kansas or something?)

We absolutely are not going to scold Rose for this one. This bloggerette’s mother once entrusted her to frost the Italian cookies and place the Hershey Kisses in the peanut butter blossoms, all in preparation for Christmas Eve Open House. Mission accomplished (hey, we know our way around the kitchen!), but not without a casaulty—namely, an overindulgence of “sampling” the sweets that resulted in a very upset stomach. And this is no childhood memory. This is when yours truly was a month shy of 26.

So Derrick, we appreciate your affinity for sugary goodness . . .  but can it wait until after the trophy ceremony?