Obama Urges Higher Standards for Teachers
Says Educators Should Only Seduce Good-Looking Students
In keeping with his Administration’s theme of promoting “responsibility,” President Obama today called for teachers to adopt higher standards when it comes to seducing their students.
“We’ve let our standards slip,” said the President, “When you seduce the gawky fat kid with asthma, it reflects badly on everyone in the profession. In fact, it comes off as just plain creepy.”
The President contrasted that type of behavior with incidents involving “hot cheerleaders or the studly captain of the football team” which he noted were “traditional fantasies shared by all Americans.”
The President also called for removing restrictions on charter schools. The move would allow private elementary schools to charge parents more per year than a semester at Princeton.
Historically, grade schools have been capped at the college tuition rate with the exception of Montessori schools which require parents to pay in 25 kilogram gold bars.
The move toward more flexible funding options for private schools seems sure to upset teacher unions who have generally resisted such proposals arguing “they divert tax dollars away from traditional public schools.”
“Um, yeah. That’s pretty much the point,” explained the President.
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Know the warning signs. If you’re the only one in detention and your teacher’s dressed in a cat fetish outfit, it could mean trouble…
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Image: Imelda Whitfield on Flickr
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