Older Workers Find Satisfaction In New Jobs

– Pay Sucks But Study Show ‘Mature’ Workers Enjoy Feeling of Superiority Gained From Working With Stoners–

It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks.

And the best part? You get to pay them less than they got for the old tricks.

Suhhhh-weet!

A new study (no doubt funded by McDonalds and WalMart) shows retirees and older workers who’ve been laid off or changed jobs are likely to enjoy their new workplace more than the old one.

When questioned about the reason for their greater job satisfaction, older workers point to less stress, more flexible working hours and a smug sense of superiority over the pierced and tattooed stoners they’re forced to work with.

“Sure, I may be working the fry station with a guy 45 years my junior,” opined retiree Warren Pease, “But at least I know who the hell Hemingway was.”

The ability to put things in perspective seems to benefit workers in their fifties and sixties.

“Hey, I’m almost done with this crap,” said one senior, “See this kid with the ring in his lip and the faux-hawk working with me? He’s got at least half a century of minimum wage, low-benefit jobs still ahead of him. You just can’t buy that kind of schadenfreude.”

“Google that you young whippersnapper!” the man added.

The study also showed that older workers enjoy being called “Pops,” “Gramps” and “Pickles” and absolutely love it when people make jokes about their hearing. Study designers admit the older workers may have been confused by the slightly more complex directions for that part of the test.

Other benefits of going back to work cited by older employees include free help from co-workers in learning how to use their cell phones and talking dirty to the hot college girl working the drive-through.

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Study shows old people also enjoy scaring kids off Frosted Flakes for life…

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Image: Joe Shlabotnik on Flickr

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