Oscar Picks: The Sports Edition

We were all caught up in Oscar fever last night, critiquing fashion choices (Heidi Klum’s red dress was da bomb) and presentations (can you believe how freakin’ jittery Katherine Heigl was? We thought it was a ruse . . . but no, she really was that nervous). Then we realized how totally overlooked the sports world by the Academy. So, here’s the Gossip On Sports take on who deserved top honors.

Best Supporting Actress: Jessica Simpson. Sure, the critics were harsh when Simpson made her debut, but could there be any doubt as to the sincerity of her cheering for Tony Romo? She was oh-so-convincing as a spectator who actually understands football.

*unleashes the grin she was unable to suppress in typing that last part*

Best Supporting Actor: Eli Manning. His breakout role as “star quarterback” was convincing enough to—eyeroll, please—nab him the Super Bowl MVP and a Double Stuff Oreos commercial with big brother Peyton.

Best Actress: Danica Patrick. This is for her performance in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. She got rave reviews without having to memorize a single line.

Best Actor: This is a two-way tie! The award will be shared by Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee for their uncanny ability to act like jerks.

Best Director: Bill Belichick. A controversial pick, yes, but the guy did produce a season-long drama that consistently sustained tension. Plus, we never pegged him for being the surprise-ending type. Who knew?

Best Picture: Super Bowl XLII. We didn’t like this one at all but it did contain drama, a classic David-and-Goliath theme, and all-around star power. Oh, and we hated the ending . . . but that didn’t stop No Country for Old Men, either.