Overexposed Soccer Star Seeks Comfort From Overexposed Actor

David Beckham, the former English captain who was unceremoniously dumped from the national team, recently sought comfort from Tom Cruise, the former mega-star who was unceremoniously dumped from Paramount.

When I got to America I phoned Tom. He’s a great guy to be able to speak to because he is a very positive-minded person. It is good to have people around you at that point. He talked about everything I had done in the World Cup, about the goal I scored and the goals I set up. He said I was a great player, that I played for Real Madrid, I’ve got a healthy family and three boys and a wife who love me to bits.

Dan Snyder immediately tried to sign Beckham to the most expensive kicker contract ever.