Palin Sib Grounded As Ex-BF Talks To Press

– Bristol Calls Two Week Discipline ‘Excessive,’ Says It’s Like Getting Punished Twice For the Same Mistake –

Former almost-coulda-been Second Son-in-Law and current white-trash-in-training baby daddy, Levi Johnston, held a press conference yesterday to reveal the “real reason” why Sarah Palin resigned.

Reading slowly from a prepared statement, while moving his lips and trying to sound out the tough words, Johnston claimed he “heard the governor several times say how nice it would be to take advantage of the lucrative deals that were being offered, including a reality show and a book.”

Johnston is looking to score (zing!) his own book deal because the world is just dying to hear the opinions and wisdom of a dude who never made it out of Wasilla High School.

If this bozo isn’t arrested before the end of the year, I promise I’ll vote for Palin in the next election.

Trust me, if Levi gets arrested it won’t be for something cool like snorting cocaine off Lindsay Lohan or insider trading, either. It’ll be for some stupid thing like shoplifting or public urination in a Waffle House.

Or public urination while trying to shoplift the syrup jug at a Waffle House.

Upon hearing the news, Sarah and Todd Palin promptly grounded daughter Bristol for two weeks for “ever getting involved with that hockey-playing moron.”

Bristol Palin immediately called the third major Alaskan press conference in a week to complain about the punishment. There haven’t been this many press conferences in Alaska since William Seward asked for a receipt from the Russians.

Bristol objected to the frontier justice meted out by her parents saying, “Jeez! Like it’s not punishment enough I have to raise this jackass’ kid.”

In a related story, Levi Johnston will be appearing with Paris Hilton and the entire New York State Legislature on a special “Box of Rocks Edition” of Wheel of Fortune where every word or phrase will be taken from Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham in an effort to let somebody at least have a shot at winning a couple dollars.

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At Levi Johnston’s press conference, Sarah Palin quietly checks with Todd to make sure he brought extra buckshot as even the littlest Palin isn’t buying Levi’s bullsh

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Image: Zuma Press

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