Pandemonium Erupts In Senate Confirmation Hearings
Chaos Ensues As Latest Obama Nominee Found to Have Paid Taxes In Full
In a major setback for the Obama Administration, the Senate confirmation hearings for the President’s nomination to Head Chef today threatened to break down as the nomination of Anne Polk-Salad hit an unexpected snag when Senators learned that the French-trained chef had actually paid all her taxes and had not circumvented any household help laws.
“Goddammit!” a frustrated Barney Frank shouted, “We specifically allotted time during the confirmations for insincere apologies and hypocritical protestations of ‘innocent’ mistakes. This kind of law-abiding behavior is throwing the whole schedule off.”
Ms. Polk-Salad apologized to the committee and offered to amend her 2007 taxes and omit some 1099 income she had earned as a part-time caterer.
Citing an “unfamiliarity with the way things work in Washington,” Anne said she didn’t realize political favorites didn’t have to abide by the same rules as ordinary citizens.
“I promise, if confirmed, I’ll work harder to do the wrong thing,” vowed Ms. Polk-Salad.
Republicans weren’t so quick to give the Head Chef nominee the benefit of the doubt. Republican Senator Arlen Specter questioned how Congress could be assured that the Democratic appointee would be committed to Federal waste and corruption given her heretofore spotless record of compliance with the law.
“This could be a deal breaker,” said Specter, “With the way we’re throwing money around these days, we need someone who can spend taxpayer money on frivolous inefficiencies without us having to keep an eye on her all the time.”
A tearful Ms. Polk-Salad maintained she had once rolled through a stop sign and also lied to a guy who wanted to date her in college in an effort not to hurt his feelings.
Hearings will resume tomorrow with a close vote for confirmation expected.
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