Playstation 2 Atrocities: Pryzm
When a game system’s dynasty passes, we quickly become nostalgic for the titles that shone. Sometimes, though, the brave among us seek out the stinky titles that are festering at the bottom of EB’s bargain bin for the purpose of chronicling their adventures in Stinkytown.
Are you a bad enough dude to part with ten bucks worth of beer money for the sake of giving the world a much-needed laugh? You know you’re not. Luckily there are a few people on creation who are able to man up and give us what we crave.
Champion game blogger and stud horse Sardius is really good about going back and playing titles that you mustn’t touch unless a grown-up says it’s okay (hint: they won’t). Just recently he blogged about a title that’s perfect for the pretty pretty war princesses of the world: Pryzm Chapter One: The Dark Unicorn.
(”Chapter One” indicates that TDK actually thought it was going to make more of these monstrosities. It also suggests that the war between the Happy Little Elves is suspended in limbo. Won’t someone please think of the troll children?)
The game reportedly plays much like you’d expect: Generic fairy people wander through a foggy, angular world with bland textures and do generic fairy things. Oh, and the unicorn tells the dwarf(?) riding him that he’s fat. Dwarf threatens to kill and process the unicorn as Cerberus food. Well, no he doesn’t, but I think that’d be pretty boss. Hell, I’d eat unicorn meat. I bet it tastes like springtime.
You might think that a substandard platform game is more than this rickety muggle earth deserves, but lo! The game is packed with an introductory Pryzm comic book full of warlike elves, nymphs and white unicorns who are always trying to keep a black unicorn down.
Actually, you know what I hate? Unicorns with wings. Unicorns and Pegasus-type horses are Mary Sue mounts when taken on their own merits. Combining the two would theoretically create a sparkly abyss that would suck all of humanity into a nightmarish world full of motivational posters, pop stars and slap bracelets.
(Noble warrior unicorn image copyright TDK)
