Presidential Candidates Clash Over Undecided Mafia Votes
Efforts to Attract Joe ‘The Plumber’ Extended to Tony ‘The Fish’ and Vinny ‘The Mechanic’
With the Presidential race neck-in-loose-jowled-neck going into the final weeks, both camps are vying for every vote they can get. As a result, both the Democratic and Republican campaigns are paying increased attention to smaller voting blocs.
Among the most hotly contested groups as a result of the last Presidential debate are made members of the Mafia. References to Joe The Plumber forced both campaigns to focus on another group of guys who are traditionally referred to by their first name and a job description.
“If you think ACORN can register a lot of fictitious people, wait till you see the kind of turnout guys like Vito ‘The Forger’ Boccacino and Alfonse ‘The Election Rigger’ Amalfi can get to the polls,” gushed one Democratic strategist.
Republicans are relying on Sarah “The Barracuda” Palin (aka Sarah “The Maverick,” Caribou Barbie and Sarah “The Incomplete Gerund”) to connect with critical organized crime heads around the country.
“Who else in this race has actually executed a drive-by shooting other than me?” said Palin at an appearance at a “social club” in New Jersey. “I’ve killed more moose than Junior Gotti’s killed informants.”
Said one social club member, “She sure talks like she’s one of us…”
The Republicans are pushing a Mafia-friendly platform of deregulation and relaxed gun control aimed at capturing attracting the organized crime vote.
But, for the first time since the 1990s, Democrats feel they have a chance among a voter group that has traditionally broken hard for Republicans.
Many Mafia members have grown disgruntled with what they see as increasing encroachment from politicians in such traditional mob businesses as construction, money laundering and prostitution.
“That takeover of all the f**in’ banks in the f**in’ country was f**in’ brilliant,” said Gambino crime head Nicholas “The Only Guy Left After All the Gottis Got Caught” Corozzo. “Tell that f**in’ Paulson motherf**ker to give me a f**in’ call. I could use a f**in’ guy like that in my f**in’ organization.”
In addition to being head of New York’s Gambino crime family, Nicholas Corozzo also holds the Guiness Book of World Records mark for most uses and variations of the word “f**k” in a year. Corozzo surpassed the previous record held by former President Clinton set during the recent Democratic primary.
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Polls show Joe The Plumber now more popular than Bob The Builder…
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Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com
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