Release Of John Edwards Sex Tape Delayed
– Film Massively Over Budget Due To Excessive Salon Costs –
A former aide to John Edwards, who once took responsibility for impregnating Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter, is writing a book.
Among the revelations sure to ruin your appetite at this year’s Fourth of July picnic are reports that the book details a sex tape Edwards and Hunter made together.
Despite furious bidding, the project is said to be way over budget due to expenses attributed to “hair stylists and products.”
Accountants reviewing the film’s budget for Hustler Magazine were said to be shocked when shampoo costs, detailed only as “Mane ‘n Tail,” topped out at over $80,000, shattering the previous sex tape hair care record of six dollars set by Paris Hilton in 2004.
An accountant who asked to remain anonymous noted, “To be fair, ‘Mane ‘n Tail’ might not have been a shampoo expense but rather code names for the film’s two participants.”
Either way, the accountant explained, the Edwards-Hunter sex tape violated two cardinal rules of successful amateur porn.
“First, it cost over $500 to make,” noted the CPA.
“And, second, no tape has ever made money where the guy was way better looking than the girl getting humped.”
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Top 10 Euphemisms For John Edwards Having Sex
1.) Bringing Bill RH-69 to the floor
2.) Filibustering
3.) Ramming legislation through chambers
4.) Introducing you to the ranking majority member
5.) Making a campaign contribution
6.) “I’m John Edwards and I approved this massage.”
7.) Scheduling a joint session of Congress
8.) Being present for roll call
9.) Voting with his head rather than his heart
10.) A lame duck session
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Image: Zuma Press
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