Restaurant Owner Back To Pulling Pork
– Zoning Board Rules Well-Endowed, Scantily Clad Mannequin Can Tempt Patrons as Eatery’s Mascot –
It was a crisis of epic proportions.
Well, of 38-24-36 proportions, anyway.
It seems the Design Review Board of Reading, Ohio took offense at a big-breasted mannequin dressed in a halter top and short shorts that was being used to advertise the finger lickin’ good ribs at KT’s Barbecue Restaurant.
The Design Review Board — which is a pretty fancy name for a group of uptight dickheads — felt the plastic store model was distracting the young folk of the town from more wholesome pursuits like cow tipping and sleeping with their cousins.
Restaurant owner Ken Tessel rushed to court to defend the honor and the attire of his advertising mascot, BarBe Q. (Miss BarBe Q, if you’re nasty.)
Tessel had a vested interest in allowing the mannequin to dress like a slut since sales had surged 40%, with a throbbing, pulsing, life of their own that could only be satisfied by a frenzied loss of inhibitions as customers gave into their desire for the sweet, tangy and, yes … they could admit it now to themselves … slightly dangerous and forbidden taste of slow, tender, smoked barbecue.
Uh, … anyway, sales were up big since BarBeQ started flaunting her cleavage.
Tessel took his case to the Reading Board of Zoning Appeals after the Design Board said he could keep the mannequin as long as he agreed to dress BarBe Q more demurely.
Luckily, the majority of the Zoning Board figured they had more important issues that needed to be addressed — since unemployment in the Rust Belt is only, oh .. I don’t know, like 85%.
Or maybe it was just that most of the Board members either had Cinemax, seen a Victoria’s Secret catalogue or had downloaded porn and figured an Old-Navy-bathing-suit-wearing mannequin wasn’t the best place to fight a skirmish in the Culture Wars.
In any event, the Zoning Board ruled that Ken Tressel could continue to live out his fantasies by dressing BarBe Q in a provocative manner … as long as he kept serving those DD-licious ribs!
All’s well that ends well.
The controversy has died down and the most excitement folks in Reading, Ohio get these days is when there’s Double Coupon Day down at the local supermarket.
KT’s Restaurant continues to do a booming business, the Design Board has moved on to more important things and BarBe Q got 17 marriage proposals after the most recent happy hour.
In a related story, Ken Tessel is seeking approval for his new advertising gimmick: serving barbecued ribs off the stomach of naked models.
But only if you order a full rack.
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Also proving to be a hit at KT’s Restaurant: The Annual Miss BarBe Q Contest.
Motto: They’re women you’d give your last rib to get with.
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Thanks and a wave from my inflatable doll to Phil Gerbyshak over at Slacker Manager for the head’s up (no jokes, please) on this story.
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Image: Zuma Press
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