Roger Clemens’ Agent Says, “Nuh-Uh”

Randy Hendricks, agent to Roger Clemens, can now add “Defender of the Rocket” to his business card.

Hendricks released an 18,000-word statistical report today in response to former trainer Brian McNamee’s allegations that the would-be Hall of Famer jumped on the steroid bandwagon. Fortunately, we’ve taken the time to decode and summarize the whole shebang for you in three words: “Roger Ain’t Guilty.”

To what does Hendricks attribute Clemens’Energizer Bunny-like career? Good ol’-fashioned adjustment. (Is it too silly for us admit to thinking about jock straps upon seeing the words “baseball player” and “adjustment” in the same article?). Hendricks says the Cy Young winner tossed in a “very effective split-finger fastball to offset the decrease in the speed of his regular fastball caused by aging.”

Hey, at least Clemens is lucky enough to have Hendricks and the occasionally-less-than-above-board Scott Boras in his corner.

Will the Cy Young winner prevail or is this a case of creative statistics? Time will tell. And if it doesn’t, we can always hope our fave pitcher Curt Schilling will shake things up on his blog.