Scientists Find Drug to Cure Shyness

Government Officials Scramble to Prevent Global Karaoke Outbreak

Scientists believe they may be on the cusp of a breakthrough in creating a drug that will help millions of people who suffer from shyness.

Clinical trials have found that the chemical oxytocin can reduce anxiety and ease phobias. Government officials were caught by surprise by the discovery and are working feverishly to prevent a global karaoke pandemic as well as numerous sequels to the film Jackass.

Oxytocin is produced naturally in the brain and helps to promote romantic feelings and make people more sociable. Or you could just spring for a pitcher of margaritas.

Other potential uses of oxytocin include using the chemical to control autism symptoms, helping people to overcome their fear of public speaking and getting Ann Coulter to calm the hell down.

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Drug makes you more caring and empathetic. Now the only question is who should take it: Ann Coulter or people who have to listen to her?

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