Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — April 18, 2008

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Judge Tells J.K. Rowling Her Harry Potter Books Are ‘Gibberish’
Author Says She’s Pleased Her Case Is Being Heard By Someone Who Reads at a Third Grade Level, Asks Pompous Jurist How Much He Got Paid for His Writings Last Year

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Former Fannie Mae Exec Agrees To Pay $24.7 Million Fine For Manipulating Agency Earnings To Reap Bonuses
Ex-Clinton Budget Director Says He Learned From the Best, Can Live on the $68.4 Million He Got To Keep Out of Money He Made During His Tenure

“You can’t buy that kind of experience. Oh, wait…yes, you can.”

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Coke Reiterates Support For Chinese Olympic Games
Maintains Killing Tibetans is Thirsty Work, Says Even Totalitarian Dictatorships Deserve Refreshment

Buddhists’ My Coke reward

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Executive Who Guided Jaguar In Sale To India’s Tata Motors Dies
Surprisingly, Not of Embarrassment

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Companies Look To Grow Business By Leasing Bling, Designer Handbags
Next Up: Leasing Hotter, Younger Trophy Wives

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Pope Says Mass In Yankee Stadium
Pontiff Welcomed By Boisterous New York Crowd With Somewhat Over-exuberant Cheer of ‘Islam Sucks’

F**ckin’ A-men

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