Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — May 15, 2008

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Angelina Jolie: ‘I Love Being Pregnant’
Police Called In to Control Thousands of Male Volunteers Outside Star’s Hollywood Mansion

Brad Pitt: ‘It doesn’t suck to be me…’

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McCain Says Iraq War Can Be Won In Four Years
Republican Nominee Also Says He Can Win Gold Medal At This Year’s Olympics, Has Pill That Can Add Inches to Your Manhood

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Gas Prices Drive Up Scooter Sales
States Face Increased Costs For New ‘Caution: Dorks Crossing’ Signs

Yeah. This won’t screw up traffic much…

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CBS Announces Deal To Buy Online Tech News Provider CNet
Perkier Tech News Expected As Katie Couric Put In Charge of Internet Venture

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Michigan Teen Sells 17,328 Boxes Of Girl Scout Cookies
15-Year-Old Jennifer Sharpe Already Has Summer Job Offers From Used Car Dealers, Telemarketers

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General Electric To Sell Appliance Business
Will Keep Logo From Early 1900s To Perpetuate Confusion as to What Company Actually Does

‘We Bring Good Things to Goldman Sachs to Put Out for Bid’

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Syesha Mercado Voted Off American Idol
Singer May Have Made Tactical Error As Millions of Teen Boys Spend 24-Hours Watching ‘Fever’ With Bedroom Door Locked, Miss Voting

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Clinton Says She Regrets Comments About Race
Says Now That Primary In West Virginia Is Over She Feels Comfortable Issuing Insincere Apology, Wants to ‘Move Forward’ and Look For Next Cynical and Manipulative Strategy

“I was just kidding about that whole black/white thing…”

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Photos

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