Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — October 12, 2008
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U.S. Takes North Korea Off Terror List
Move Is in Exchange For Being Allowed to Inspect Kim Jong Il’s Walk-In Closet for Fashion Crimes Against Humanity
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U.S. Takes North Korea Off Terror List
U.S. Relents After Learning Source of Kim Jong-Il’s Glasses Was Bootsy Collins Not Libya
Turns out Kim Jong-Il was way funkier than previous CIA reports led Administration to believe
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Step-On Scanner Lets Airline Passengers Keep Shoes On But Cannot Sense Explosives
TSA Sees Limited Use In Device that Reveals Size of Traveler’s Foot and Compares How Much Airline Customers Paid Over Retail
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Dude Also Violated Little Known Statute Against Unlicensed Circumcisions
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Police Noticed ‘Odd Bulges’ In Man’s Trousers And Assumed Asian Man Wasn’t Porn Star; Binh Quang Chau Accuses Fish and Game Division of Profiling
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Gets Three Months Probation and Role As Red Lobster ‘Seafood Lover’ Spokesman
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
International Spies Flock to Learn Secrets of Man’s Amazing Capacity to Remain Impervious to Pain During Questioning
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Evades Airport Security But Is Caught When United Airlines Tries to Charge Him $45-Per-Pound To Fly
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Contrite Chef Says Recipe for Bisque Not Worth The Risque
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Man Calling Himself ‘Sebastian’ Said Obsessed With Woman Named Ariel; Little Mermaid Agrees To Plea Bargain to Avoid Prolonged Land-Based Trial
Cops suspected something fishy going on…
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Observant Cops Say No One Travels With 35 Pounds of Butter In Their Carry-On Luggage
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Fact That Crustaceans Were Wrapped in Newspaper Tips Off Security; Everyone Knows Lobsters Can’t Read
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Lobsters In Trousers Not a Problem, But Man Causes Near Riot as Crowd Gathers To Choose Dinner From Guy’s Clear Vinyl Pants
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Man Arrested With Six Lobsters In Pants Suspected Of Poaching
Three California Cops Charged With Excessive Use of Force For Beating Man With Little Wooden Hammers
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McCain-Palin Campaign Denies Use Of Racial Scare Tactics In New Ad
Says Photoshopped Image of Obama Leading Swarthy, Armed and Naked Taliban Fighters Into Suburban Cheerleading Practice is Just ‘Clever Use of Existing Technology to Raise Legitimate Questions About Democratic Nominee’s Character’
“I’m not tryin’ ta scare yah, but Obama is a threat to your mommy and daddy…”
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Photo credit: BootsyCollins.com
Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com
Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com
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