Sexy Coffee Cake
August 15, 2008 by Bridget Wright
Filed under Business
OK, I’m waaay past the traditional age for cat-calling and guys whistling at me, but it happened to me on yesterday. I was at a lunchtime business meeting and was mingling with the guests shortly before the meeting started. I had to excuse myself to take a phone call, and when I returned, I had to walk through a huddle of business men who were just standing around talking. I very politely and discreetly said “excuse me” and just slid through the huddle. Well, I guess that wasn’t enough for them, as I heard them say (and rather loudly),
[Image Source: Flickr]
“Whooo. Look at that!”
“Yeah Buddy!”
“How can I get close to that?”
“I don’t know, but you can look but don’t touch!”
Now, perhaps I flatter myself and maybe, just maybe they were talking about the coffee cake at the nearby table, but in the case that they weren’t, I thought that their dialogue was innappropriate and distasteful for a business setting. At the same time, I was kind of flattered that I even garnered whispered or whistling attention. Wow me!
Anyway, I simply ignored the conversation as if I didn’t hear it and commenced back to mingling with the crowd and exchanging business cards. Should I have ignored them or should I have responded? While I don’t necessarily count this as harassment, what do you call it? Was it innocent enough? Do you think that they know that I heard them? Were they really talking about the coffee cake?
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Copyright 2008 – Bridget Wright
Bridget, I’m much further past the cat-call age than you, I’d bet. I still get the misbehavior. It’s NOT innocent. Those men were taking a strong business woman’s appearance as a threat of some sort and they used her damn fine looks (you’re welcome!) as an excuse to belittle her in front of their peers. Instead of that reflecting on you, I believe it reflects a lot more onto the guilty ones. If they can’t progress beyond puberty, that’s their issue. These are guys who would still give the nerdy kids wedgies.
Yes, it’s harassment. It made you uncomfortable and has you still thinking about it. I remember a few times I was approached very blatantly in business settings by men who apparently couldn’t look past gender long enough to conduct themselves like professionals. It totally sucks because now you’re either defending yourself in a sexually-charged situation or you’re seething and forced to amend your behavior to accommodate some jerk’s overactive hormones.
Lori, wow to you! You hit the nail on the head. I think that men often do this, and want to appear to be harmless, but are really trying to either embarass you or make themselves feel good. But I thought harassment was either repeated behavior or blatant (very openly) behavior. Which one is it?
Another question: if it happens again, what should my response be? Lori, you’re right in either a) defending myself and looking like I perhaps “overshot” the situation (btw, that’s what they want), or b) ignoring it altogether and having it happen again.
What to do?
If what they did to you wasn’t blatant, Bridget, I don’t know what is! They were bringing sexuality up to an unknown person. They were making you feel like an object of desire, right? They were challenging you indirectly by making you aware of their presence and your status as a sex object among them. Sounds like harassment to me.
I’m all for ignoring such behavior unless it’s a direct challenge. You’ll just put yourself on display and allow people to control your actions by responding. Not only that, some situations may not be safe. If you feel threatened, get out of there.
In only one case would I find reason to respond. If they’re being totally obnoxious and won’t stop or if it’s in a meeting and you’re the speaker, confront them. Ask them exactly why they feel it’s necessary to act like juveniles. Ask them what they get out of embarrassing themselves in public in such a childish way. I’d finish with letting them know how I pity them for not knowing how to behave with females.
They’re looking for a reaction. If you don’t give them one, you’re robbing some of them of their “reward.”
great post girl! I’ll have some cake too. :)