Shell Game

– Now That’s What I Call A Slow News Day –

Researchers recently announced they had discovered a rare soft-shell turtle that had previously been thought to be extinct. The turtle was discovered in northern Vietnam and was believed to have been planted by the C.I.A. in early 1975, only a few months before the fall of Saigon.

The turtle showed no visible signs of torture but researchers said it was too early to say what type of impact living on the run crawl has had on the turtle’s mental condition.

Scientists found the turtle, unshaven and wearing a headband, in its traditional habitat near the banks of Vietnamese lake.

The main question researchers are being asked is, “How could anyone be mistaken about a giant turtle being extinct?”

It’s giant and it’s a turtle. It’s big and incredibly slow-moving. Theoretically, this should make it easier to count when you’re taking an inventory of species in a particular area.

The fact the turtle was found by a lake — pretty much right where you’d expect to find it — further adds to the mystery of why anyone thought the turtle was extinct in the first place.

The turtle was quoted as saying, “All anyone had to do was call. I can be a little shy but, as I get older, I’m really starting to come out of my shell.”

Scientists noted that the discovery “carries great scientific and cultural significance” because of the relative rarity of the turtle, it’s status in local folklore and because it makes a really awesome soup.

The discovery is also expected to push local calls for the return of the Hanoi State Fair since, as the local mayor explained, “If we can find a couple more of these suckers, we’ll be able to put on a full-fledged turtle race.”

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“Run for your life! Lenscrafters just announced a 50%-off sale on tortoise shell glasses…”

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Image: johnpetru82 on Flickr