Slaughterhouse Workers Reported Sick From Pig Brain Mist

Which Stands To Reason Since Just Typing the Headline Made Me Nauseous

Just in case you needed another reason to stay in school, MSNBC is reporting an outbreak of “mysterious neurological illnesses” in workers who processed pig brains at plants in Minnesota, Indiana and Nebraska.

According to Dr. Daniel Lachance, a Mayo Clinic neurologist, “the common thread among the affected workers is that they all worked in a part of the plants that used compressed air to blow pig brains out of skulls.”

While the process sounds cool and macho over a couple of beers (especially the part where the guys tell how they re-enacted the Russian roulette scene from The Deerhunter), it’s important to remember that working in a meat-processing plant is something people need to take seriously.

It’s all fun and games until somebody puts an eye out or comes down with a mysterious neurological illness.

The soon-to-be-renamed Quality Pork Processors plant in Minnesota has announced they have discontinued the process of hollowing out pig skulls with compressed air.

In the future, the company has promised to hire illegal foreign workers who will manually suck the brains out and spit them into a bucket — since that’s the only thing that could possibly be any more disgusting than the current procedure.

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Abattoir anthem
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