SmackDown 5/30 Part One: The Yawns Begin

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

The Setup
Batista sure cleans up well. He’s decked out in a pitch black pinstripe suit with a black tie and sun glasses that seem to have a gargoyle on their sides. Versaces, of course. He wants forgiveness from the people because he wants to “hurt Shawn Michaels“. It’s OK Animal, we understand.

Vickie Guerrero, however, doesn’t understand. She’s being wheeled out by the interchangeable Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins and she warns Batista not to look past Michaels and to the Heavyweight championship because he might not even be inSmackDown (in the future). The 2008 Draft and all. Vickie, who is showing a great deal of cleavage, is being rained on by a chorus of “You Suck” catcalls. She is not loved in Colorado Springs.

This protracted segment ends with Vickie setting up a match with Zach and Curt vs. Batista and any friend he can find backstage. Who will come to the Animal’s defense?

Segment Grade: D This is certainly not an exciting beginning. A Main Event that includes a pair known for being an entourage doesn’t exactly get our blood started.

Match One
Matt Hardy def. Elijah Burke
How can Jeff Hardy be so exciting and his brother Matt so boring? After a turgid seven minutes Hardy hits Burke with a Twist of Fate and a quick pin. What was the most interesting thing about the match? The FCC crawl informing us that the switch from analog to digital is coming soon. Matt certainly looks to be going through the motions.

Segment Grade: D

Post-Match Nonsense
After the match, pint-sized Jamie Noble comes to save the stunning WWE Diva Eve Torres from having to interview the self-obsessed M.V.P. any longer. There are two problems, however, with his intervention: 1) Eve sneaks off the set when they’re arguing and 2) We are going to have to watch this mismatch. Ughh.