Primetime Girl on Girl Action

Beverly Hills 90210 just added Rumer Willis to the cast.  On top of that, she’s playing a lesbian.  Sorry, I’m not a big fan of Willis, actually I’m not a big fan of celeb offspring in general.  But what really ticks me off is television’s obsession with lesbians.

Copyright The CW

Hold on, there are nothing wrong with lesbians!  But, I do think there is something wrong with TV shows that are tanking using girl on girl action to boost ratings.  I know you know what I’m talking about.

Let’s examine the evidence.

Case #1:  Beverly Hills 90210

It’s no secret that ratings are slumping for this CW show.  The series and second season premiere shows’ ratings were at respectable levels, but it’s been downhill from there.  Oh no!  What should they do?  Why, get Rumor Willis to tongue tango with Brenda, of course!  Ahh… Isn’t that the solution the all life’s problems?

Well, I don’t know if she’ll be kissing Brenda, let’s hope not.  But this certainly is the last act of the desperate.  Girl on girl and Demi’s daughter?  C’mon 90210, that’s low.  What would Andrea Zuckerman say?

Case #2:  Grey’s Anatomy

© ABC Television

Another victim of the “my ratings suck, so let’s get chicks to make out” disease is Grey’s Anatomy.  In season 4, viewers didn’t think the docs at Seattle’s Grace Hospital were kinky enough, so the producers answered back with the most creative thing they could think of.  Chicks getting busy.  Wow, I’ve never seen this before!  But apparently the viewers had and it didn’t do much for the ratings.  It kind of made sense to me to get Callie with someone in her own league, though.  There’s no way George O’Malley could get a chick that hot.

Case #3:  Dirt

Did you forget about it?  Well, that’s because it only lasted for two seasons.  It starred now cougar Courteney Cox as a smutty tabloid reporter.  And guess who made a guest appearance?  Jenny Aniston!  And what did they do?  Why, they made out of course!  Oh no, what about Ross?!

You might remember that last bit, but if you didn’t then you just proved that chicks kissing doesn’t save bad television.  Sorry Monica, but we liked you better when you were making out with Chandler.

Case #4:  The OC

Just like Fonzie jumped the shark, when ratings for this show hit the skids, producers sent Misha Barton diving head first into muff.  Did it work?  No.  Marissa Cooper died, probably out of embarrassment and the show got canned the next year.

Case #5:  Heroes

Other than, 90210, this is the latest one to use this lame ratings grabbing technique.  I’ve never seen this show before, but I heard that it was once good.  Maybe it’s still alright, but that’s not what the ratings are saying.  Their superhero abilities are powerless against its ratings slump, but maybe something else can swoop in to save the day?!  It’s a bird, it’s a plane!  No, it’s just two slutty coeds getting freaky in a dorm room.  Not only was this publicity stunt pretty shameless, it was also pretty predictable.  At the beginning of the season, the producers hinted towards a “more than friends” relationship between cheerleader Claire and her roommate Gretchen.  So, ever since then, we’ve all pretty much seen it coming.  Wow, way to keep us on our toes.

So what is the lesson here?  Lesbians don’t save TV shows.  But you know what does?  Better writing.  Like, duh.

Here is the Heroes kiss, just in case you missed it.