Sonia Sotomayor Makes Judicial History
– Jurist Will Be First Female Judge In Supreme Court’s Tenure To Have Alliterative Name –
President Barack Obama made history today announcing the first alliterative female judge as a candidate for the Supreme Court.
If she is confirmed, Sonia Sotomayor will join other famous alliterative Supreme Court jurists such as John Jay, Thomas Todd, David Davis and Lucius Lamar.
Many Court historians don’t include Lucius Lamar as one of the “true” alliterative judges due to the fact that he went by his full name, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II.
Plus, Lamar was from Mississippi and sported a ridiculous beard which merely encouraged people to look for reasons not to include him in things and break his balls whenever they could.
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L.Q.C. Lamar II. Even his friends thought he looked like a terrier with a comb-over and would ask him to speak, fetch…
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President Obama was under strong pressure from the AAU (Alliteratives Are Us) to pick a member of their group.
The group, which features such luminaries as Ted Turner, Ozzy Ozbourne and Willy Wonka, dislikes being referred to as “alliterative” and prefers the more politically correct designation “consonantly consistent.”
The fact that Sotomayor is female is considered an added bonus.
“For too long, women with alliterative names haven’t been taken seriously. If Sonia Sotomayor can do this, who’s to say I can’t become a Supreme Court justice, too?” an excited Lindsay Lohan asked a group of political reporters.
The reporters agreed the answer to Ms. Lohan’s question was “Pretty much everyone” but asked the actress if she wouldn’t mind taking off her top anyway so they could check her “credentials.”
In a related story, Jesse Jackson was reported to be despondent over the choice of Sotomayor to the Court.
“Now that we have a black President and an alliterative Supreme Court judge, I’m running out excuses for why people don’t like me,” said Jackson.
“Maybe it’s because I’m a race-baiting corporate extortionist, after all.”
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Alliterative Lindsay Lohan says she wants to be seriously considered for next Supreme Court slot. Would settle for just being taken seriously…
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Image: wikipedia
Image Zuma Press
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