Speaking Tips for Getting Taken Seriously From a Recovering Doormat

a guest post by Dayelle Deanna Schwartz

(www.bizchicksrule.com) — I was still in people pleasing mode when I started a record label on a dare, one of the few chicks doing it. I wanted to be liked by the guys in the All Boys Club so I’d smile and let them walk all over me. But that wasn’t good business! Slowly I learned how to play their game, nicely, while handling myself in ways that got me taken seriously. It helped me evolve into what I call a Nice Girl on Top. Then the boys had no choice but to treat this chick with respect!

You can be nice but still play to win. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, talk softly and carry a big stick—an attitude and demeanor that says you mean business. Your speaking manner makes an impact. Getting nervous, frustrated, angry or insecure triggers emotions to creep into your voice. That can make you feel out of control and makes a bad impression. The more you control emotions, the less they control you, and the more confident you’ll feel. Even if you’re nervous, you can sound confident if you use these tips:

Think before speaking

Blurting things out fuels feeling out of control. And regret. Pause before responding. Say you’ll think it over. Tame that inner Good Girl who makes you want to agree to everything immediately. Thinking allows you a more controlled response that’s in your best interest, which increases confidence!

Use words that show conviction

You’ll get taken more seriously if your message shows a definite intention. Sounding like you’re just hoping for a positive response instead of expecting one doesn’t sound serious. “I’d like____. Can you get it for me?” can be, “I expect to get the ___. When will you have it?” Show you mean business! Being tentative or wishy-washy won’t generate respect or results.

Take deep breaths before speaking

Breathe deeply and release it slowly, to calm down. Getting flustered when you’re nervous or stressed leads to poor communication. Taking deep breaths before speaking can help you control it.

Use a gentle but firm tone

People pleasers speak timidly and get nowhere. Women at the opposite extreme are loud or tough, which annoys people. Nice Girls on Top have a friendly manner that also sounds firm about expecting results. No whining or apologetic tones! Women complain that nice gets them nowhere. You can speak nicely while sounding resolute. People get the message. Speak softly but carry your big stick—a tone that says you’re serious!

Slow down

When you’re anxious, you may talk faster. Consciously slowing down and enunciating words carefully offers more control and allows leeway for speeding up if emotions kick in. When I spoke at high speed, it made me more nervous. Slowing down dramatically helped me take control of me, and the conversation. Managing your pace and enunciating words helps control emotions and sounds more serious, which leads to feeling more confident.

Bring your voice down an octave

Does your voice go higher when you’re frustrated or nervous? Emotions lower credibility if they make your voice squeaky. A quick fix? Begin speaking with your voice lower than usual to allow leeway when emotions make it rise. Women’s voices tend to be higher than men’s and carry less clout, even without emotions. Bringing the pitch down sounds more serious. And if you speak slower too, your words have more impact. It translates into real confidence as you get better responses. Feeling in control of how you sound is a huge confidence booster!

Tape yourself during phone conversations

Listen back and pay attention to when your voice rises and speeds up. Become more conscious and slowly modulate your voice. The effort will prompt people to give what you say more credence, without raising your voice!

***

Dayelle Deanna Schwartz is a best-selling author, speaker, self-empowerment counselor and music industry consultant. She’s appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America; quoted in publications, including The NY Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, and Men’s Health; on Lifetimetv.com’s Panel of Experts. After being a People Pleaser, Daylle reinvented herself into a dual career. She’s the author of 9 books, including Start & Run Your Own Record Label, I Don’t Need a Record Deal!, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, and Straight Talk with Gay Guys. Her next book is Nice Girls Can Finish First. Her music business books for Billboard are top sellers. Read her self-empowerment blog, Lessons From a Recovering DoorMat, for more great advice for women.

(image: SXC.hu)